What Men Really Think of 10 Beauty Trends

The trend: Cat eyelinerHis take: This is one of those looks that can really take advantage of what I'd call male cluelessness. If it's done subtly, it doesn't even register—I just think, What great eyes! They curve in such an alluring way, they almost mirror her smile! But as soon as I notice cat eyeliner, that's all I notice. I think it's because I don't really understand how makeup works, so when it's too prominent, it becomes the focal point, instead of what you're trying to accentuate.

The trend: Dramatic lashesHis take: I find this look very disconcerting. It's hard not to see it as an attempt to turn women into dolls, and I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be beyond that. I'm all for accentuating the eyes—a little mascara can be stunning. But eyes are about a person's humanity; these lashes are, in my mind, pointedly, purposefully dehumanizing.

The trend: Dark nail polishHis take: My girlfriend has an enormous collection of nail polish and her taste in color is all-inclusive. And yet, I can say from a lot of experience and with a great deal of confidence that I do not notice nails. I'm sorry. I'll check out almost every other part of a woman's appearance before I even think to look at them.

The trend: Big bunsHis take: I know there's a way to do these and look glamorous. But the only real life association I have with them is bridesmaid's hair. So let's just say publicly what we all know privately to be true: She's never gonna wear that dress again, and this is probably not the best her hair has ever looked.

The trend: Bleached blond hairHis take: I'm torn. On the one hand, sure, I like blondes as much as the next guy who's been force-fed a standard image of American female beauty. But on the other hand, I like to pretend a woman's looks are completely natural. When I see a woman who isn't from Scandinavia with platinum hair, my first thought isn't that's stunning. It's just that's fake.

The trend: Bold red lipstickHis take: I'm sure this color has all sorts of wider significance, but the truth is it always reminds me of what grown ups looked like when I was a kid—in a good way. It conjures up Jazz music, French wine and late nights.

The trend: Letting your gray show (naturally)His take: I find this extremely appealing, both physically and politically. It's simple, it's confident, it communicates a belief that age and beauty are not mutually exclusive. Also, unless someone is the president (or Lady Gaga), it's the only trend that happens gradually, that takes time to roll out.

The trend: Undone top knots His take: There's always that fine line between looking purposefully rumpled and genuinely messy, but for me these fall on the right side of that line. And although I'm usually confused by women thinking that putting up their hair is fancy (isn't that just like a workout ponytail?), with this look I get it. I think.