10 Ways To Get In The Mood

Do Your Chores

By Woman's Day

"Research has shown that, unlike men, in order for women to relax into arousal and experience orgasm, the parts of their brain that associate with outside stressors must deactivate during sex," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and founder of GoodInBed.com. Tackle your list of chores in order to create a stress-free mental environment that's conducive to sex.

Hit The Gym

"Not only will you feel more energetic after a sweat session, but you'll get your endorphins — which put you in the mood for sex –– going as well," says Dennis Lin, M.D., director of the Psychosexual Medicine Program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. Working out with your partner is also a great way to squeeze in some extra time together — plus, "since you're usually wearing less clothing, it's an easy way to check out your partner's body and get turned on."

Watch Him Be "Dad"

According to Kerner, many women report being more interested in sex after seeing their partner spend time with the kids. "It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective— knowing your husband is a good dad will validate and stimulate those reproductive urges. It's a win-win situation!"

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Talk To Strangers

Go to a bar and flirt with other people. "Seeing the person you're with being desired by somebody else can make you want him even more," says Stacey Nelkin, relationship expert and founder of TheDailyAffair.com. "That little bit of jealousy can be an aphrodisiac if consumed in the right dosage." But while seeing your partner in a new light can be a definite turn-on, be sure you're on the same page — meaning that neither of you will take the flirting too far.

Squeeze Him Tight

"Studies have shown that, especially in women, when you hug your partner for 30 seconds or more, it produces oxytocin, which is the hormone that facilitates trust and a sense of sexual connection and desire," says Kerner. While you're there, he recommends, nuzzle into the crook of your partner’s neck and take a few deep inhalations. "If you like your guy's scent — and most women do, for biological reasons — it will usually function as a bit of an aphrodisiac."

Try This Rule

Instituting a no-touching-below-the-belt rule for the first 20 to 30 minutes of intimacy will not only force you to focus more on touching and kissing, which, according to Lin, people tend to abandon when they rush into intercourse, but it will also create novelty. "Doing something new stimulates dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that plays a big role in sexual arousal," says Kerner.

Swap Fantasies

According to Kerner, "the brain is your biggest sexual organ. You can't just rely on the physical stimulation of sex; you also have to take advantage of the mental power." So share your fantasies and desires with your boyfriend or husband. Feeling too shy? Kerner suggests saying you had a sexy dream about your partner, which will help alleviate any fears of judgment or embarrassment.

Try For 10 Minutes

"Even if you're not in the mood, give yourself 10 minutes to give sex a shot," says Kerner. According to him, most people stuck in a rut don't have anything against sex — they want to want sex — but just aren't giving themselves a chance to do so. "Put yourself through the motions; your body will catch up with you quickly."

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Adopt a Persona

It's easy to fall into the same role you always take in the bedroom. Make an effort to change that. "We're visual creatures, so buying a different kind of lingerie or doing your hair differently will create a sense of newness," says Nelkin. Just one small change can inspire bigger developments in the bedroom, like trying new positions or sharing new fantasies.

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Engage In Self-Pleasure

"People sometimes think that if they masturbate while they're in a relationship they're somehow cheating on their partner or their partner isn't satisfying them. That's just not true," says Lin. According to him, it's a healthy sexual outlet for many people, and is a surefire way to get in the mood for sex, whether you do it solo or in bed with your partner.