Signs Your Spouse is More Like a Stranger

Too Many Surprises

It's one thing for your lover to keep you on your toes. But if you're regularly caught off-guard by things your husband says or does, it may be a sign that his views or priorities have changed. Solution: Check in with each other at least once a week. Ask, "How are you doing?"

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Too Much Chore-Talk

If you communicate mostly through Post-its and to-do lists, you may end up with a roommate, not a romantic partner. Solution: "Put the relationship back at the top of the totem pole of responsibilities," says YourTango expert Lisa Kift. "Ask each other 'How are you doing?' and then ask 'How are we doing as a couple?'"

No Fights

Even people who are deeply in love disagree from time to time. If you never butt heads with your spouse, it may be a sign that one of you has stepped back emotionally. Solution: Don't intentionally pick fights, but pay attention to your feelings and notice if you're ignoring resentment. If you are, speak up!

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No Hobby Knowledge

If he collects Star Wars figurines but you don't have a clue which is his most prized Vader, you're missing out on an important point of connection. Solution: You don't need to take up his hobby; just appreciate his enthusiasm and joy.

So-So Sex

If sex has become a birthday and anniversary chore, you're skipping one of the best benefits of sharing a bed. Physical touch is a powerful way for busy couples to connect, and its absence can be a fertile breeding ground for resentment and miscommunication. Solution: "Hold hands and give each other at least four hugs a day," says Tucker. Just a little bit of contact will help you stay in touch with each other.

Hints Don't Work

If you've been seething for hours and he hasn't even noticed, you and your spouse may have nonverbal communication problems. Solution: Don't fall into the "He should know what upsets me by now!" trap. Obviously, he doesn't. Clue him in.

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No Attention to Detail

He spends most of his waking hours at work, and while it's possible to go overboard with bringing work home, it's important to have some insight into his workplace triumphs and frustrations. Solution: Don't just say, "How was work?" Be specific: "How did Jim respond when you asked him to wear earphones instead of playing his music loudly?"

No Fun

Date nights help you celebrate your relationship. When you let them disintegrate into King of Queens marathons, you're both sending the message that you value the relationship less than you once did. Solution: Plan a special night where you do something you've never done before. Try a new restaurant, visit that new park, or just talk a walk in a new part of town.

No Deep Sharing

Discussing your secret wishes and plans for the future, leads to connection. Solution: Start by talking about what you've shared, then move to more personal stuff. "Have some fun and laugh together every single day. Share your fears as well as your hopes. Reminisce about the good old days (and nights!) of your courtship," suggests Tucker. Not sure what to say? "Compliment each other!" she says.