10 Things Your Mother-In-Law Wants to Tell You

Don’t Dismiss Me

Says Nancy McNab*, “I know you want to do everything differently from how I do it, but don’t just avoid me for that reason.” Tap your MIL for advice on babies, work, home life — whatever you’re comfortable sharing. She’ll thank you for it — and might even become less nosy as a result.

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Give Me Time

You probably didn’t fall for her son at first sight, so don't count on falling in love with your mother-in-law at first Sunday dinner either. “I’m lucky that I love my daughters-in-law, but if it weren’t going well, I’d want them to know that relationships like this need space and time,” says Illinois MIL Kathe James.

I'm No Threat

“I wish you weren’t uncomfortable with my rapport with my son,” laments MIL Alyson Grant.* “I don’t want to intrude on your marriage, but I also don’t want to lose my relationship with him. I don’t know if you’re insecure or jealous, but I want you to know I am not a threat. You have nothing to fear from me.”

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Don’t Patronize Me

“If I’ve planned a family outing and what we’re doing is not your cup of tea, just tell me. Be honest, and don’t be afraid to argue with me!” says Jennie. Be respectful, of course, and realize that arguing your point with your MIL is way better than treating her like a toddler.

Praise My Parenting

If you don’t have children yet, this can be hard to see, but mothers fret over whether they’ve turned out good adults. And most MILs would be thrilled to pieces to hear that, yes, their efforts paid off. “Hey!” says Kathe, “I worked hard to raise a good man. Knowing you appreciate that goes a long way in our relationship.”

Don’t Expect Too Much

Ironically, as much as a mother might believe her son is a superman, she does not want you to depend on him for everything. One thing some MILs know from experience: “Don’t lose your female friends, your interests and hobbies or your work,” says Kathe. The happier you are, the less pressure there is on your spouse and your marriage.

Stand Up for Yourself

You might think your MIL is always on her son’s side, but believe it or not, she’s thinking about you too, and she never likes to see the boy she raised treating you as a less-than-equal partner. “Don’t let him always tell you what to do," says Jennie. “If you’re not careful, he’ll steamroll right over you.”

Stay Balanced

Though some of it may fall firmly into the “meddling” category, don't ignore your MIL’s experience. Frances Tudino* says, “Get a babysitter once a week, or at least put the kids to bed, come back downstairs, have a glass of wine and talk to your husband.” Don’t believe that you can ignore your marriage until your kids are older.