10 Tricks to Mastering the Art of Persuasion

Start Things Off

"People are more likely to be persuaded to complete a task if it's already been started for them," says Steve Martin, coauthor of the bestselling book Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive. Next time the dishes need to get done, try cleaning the silverware, then asking if your partner wouldn't mind finishing the job.

Stress Their Loss

Can't pry your hubby away from Sunday sports for a trip to the beach? No problem. Rather than guilting him into it with complaints about needing more “quality time” together, remind him that he's passing on one of the last days of summer. "We’re more persuaded by the thought of losing something than the thought of gaining," says Martin.

Give First

People are psychologically conditioned to return a favor, says Martin. And, instinctually, we've known this one all along — i.e., if you buy the first round of drinks, they'll buy the second. So think of doing the initial good deed as an investment, explains Lee. "In turn, people will feel compelled to do things for you."

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Over Ask

"People feel a sense of guilt when they refuse a request," Lee says. "If the second request (i.e., the real request) is something they can afford to comply with, then they'll grab the opportunity," says Lee. This is a tactic kids know well: Can we go to Six Flags? No? OK, so how about the pool? "The second request gives freedom of choice, like an escape route," Lee says. They'll feel relieved, and you get what you want.

Be Funny

"If you want to be more persuasive, work on your sense of humor," says Lee. And so agrees British comedian John Cleese, who said: "If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can [make you] laugh at a particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge it as true." People generally laugh at things when, for one reason or another, they identify with them, explains Lee.

Use "We"

“Studies have shown that the reassurance of 'we' is more productive in persuading people to compromise than other approaches," says Martin, including the threatening approach (If you don’t do this, I will) and the rational approach (You should do this for the following reasons). The use of "we" immediately conveys a sense of commonality and support.

Majority Rules

Energy reduction studies show that people are more likely to reduce their energy consumption if they see their more energy-efficient neighbors’ utility bills. "Point to evidence of what others are doing that is similar to what you are trying to persuade the other person to do," Martin says. After all, when making decisions on our own, he explains, we likely survey the scene for reassurance anyway.

Be Positive

One of the most powerful principles of persuasion rests on a person's need to remain consistent with his past actions, Lee explains. "People are more likely to be persuaded to behave in certain ways if they have acted that way before — and it has been noticed," adds Martin.

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Have Good Timing

"Sometimes, it’s not what you ask for, but when you ask for it," says Martin. People are most persuadable immediately after thanking someone, and they are at their most persuasive after being thanked, so it's the perfect time to ask for a favor: My pleasure. In fact, I was hoping you might be able to help me out with something too.