13 things men still don't know about women

Sometimes, we'd rather sleep alone: We don't always want to be held. Occasionally, we just want to go home, or for you to go home, depending on the circumstances. It could be that we have to get up really early the next morning, or that we forgot our contact lens solution, or that your mattress is lumpy—in which case, it might be time for a new mattress.

We prefer comfort bras: Most women have four, maybe five bras, in their weekly rotation. And chances are that none of them is particularly sexy. In fact, they are most often decidedly unsexy, providing what bras are supposed to provide: support. The frilly, lacy undergarments that you're certain women wear all the time? We don't.

The longer you date us, the less we shave our legs: Those days of us always being smooth and stubble-free? Enjoy them while you can. Because like the sexy underthings, they won't last. It's not that women intend to let themselves go, but one of the perks of being in a relationship is not having to keep up with a time-consuming grooming regimen.

Sometimes we're in a bad mood just because: It's not that time of the month, so don't ask. Our feelings are complicated and not completely subject to our hormones.

We expect a card with the present: Yes, we are grateful for the gift, but without a card it sort of feels half-hearted. If you're not good with words, then take more than 30 seconds to choose a card that gets the sentiment right.

We always want half of your dessert: Even if we say we're not hungry, couldn't eat another thing, no way no how, when we say that we just want a taste what we really mean is I'll take half.

We will judge you—and ourselves—by the women you dated before us: We will look them up on Facebook and scrutinize their photos. If they are cheesy, we'll feel better about ourselves but question your judgment. If they are tall and thin and doing humanitarian work in the Sudan, we'll wonder what you see in us.

We expect you to remember our birthday: And the name of our first dog, where we went to college and how we like our eggs. Is that too much to ask?

We notice your jeans: Whether they're skinny jeans, dad jeans (slightly faded, a bit too baggy), or low-rise, straight-leg, with-contrast-stitching jeans, we will see them and we will draw conclusions, even if we don't want to.

We don't want you to be better dressed or have better hair than we do: Yes, we want you to look good, but in that rugged, manly, didn't-try sort of way.

We want you to make the first move: As long as you're a well-adjusted guy with emotional intelligence, trust yourself to know when a woman is into you. We want to be approached, we want to be asked out, and we want you to be confident enough to do those things.