Find Your Sex-Confidence

Tap into Your Inner Diva

By Woman's Day

Paula Bloom, Ph.D., an Atlanta-based clinical psychologist, says, “Act as if you are a sexpot. Act as if you are fabulous. Action often precedes motivation. It can change how you think and feel.”

Look at Real Women’s Bodies

The females you’re seeing in the media are often not realistic representations of the average American woman. Take a mini-media break, says Bloom: “This can be an important reminder that sexy comes in all sizes—including your own.”

Think About Your Body’s Strength

“Focus on images that remind you of your body's power, like childbirth, running, climbing or dancing — rather than how you look in the dressing room mirror," says Bloom.

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Turn on the Music

If you really want to get into a sexy mood, try putting on a CD. “Music is a wonderful, and healthy, mood-altering substance. Sexy music can influence how you feel about yourself,” Bloom says.

Take a Break from Facebook

In a study appearing in the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior, researchers found that the more time people spent on sites like Facebook, the more jealousy they felt regarding their romantic partners.

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Ask for What You Want

Bloom says, “Practice asking firmly and specifically for what you want during the day … The more comfortable you are with articulating your needs in the world, the better you'll be at doing it with your partner.”

Watch Fewer Romantic Comedies

Bloom cites research that found a correlation between these films and relationship dissatisfaction. “Sometimes they can create an unrealistic view of relationships,” she explains. “Women end up thinking their relationships fall short.”

Invest in a Dimmer Switch

One of the easiest ways to go from “I just can’t get in the mood,” to “Honey, tonight’s the night!” is as simple as dimming the lights, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D.

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Stop Looking at the Clock

If you’ve seen a love scene in a movie recently, it can be easy to deduct that great sex should last hours. A 2008 study that surveyed top sex therapists in Canada and the U.S. found that sex classified as “normal and good” lasts three to 13 minutes.

Buy Some New Lingerie

A quick and easy way to boost sexual self-esteem from a 2 to a 10 is with some flattering new lingerie — especially if your size has fluctuated recently. “Wear things that fit you now, don't constrict and are made of a sensual material," says Bloom.