Cheaters, Deconstructed

It's In His Genes

Scientists have discovered what's been labeled the "cheating gene," which can be associated with relationship discord. Certain men have a gene variant (also known as an allele) that influences their brain activity and makes bonding difficult. According to Hasse Walum, a behavioral geneticist at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm who led the study that found this variant, "Men with two copies of the allele had twice the risk of experiencing marital dysfunction, with a threat of divorce during the last year, compared to men carrying one or no copies. … Women married to men with one or two copies of the allele scored lower on average on how satisfied they were with the relationship compared to women married to men with no copies." But hope for a monogamous relationship is not entirely lost for those with this gene. "The bottom line is that men have to learn to overcome temptation and biological impulses in order to stay faithful," says Wanis.

He Feels Neglected

Wanis says that if the passion in your relationship wanes to the extent that a man "feels like he is no longer king and you don't appreciate him, validate him or have regular sex," then he may go outside the relationship to find someone who will meet his needs. "Men who experience emotional voids and feel they are in a loveless and sexless marriage are highly likely to cheat," says Wanis. "Men who do not feel appreciated or acknowledged in their relationships are also prone to seeking that validation from other women." For example, a man who marries a highly successful woman might feel emasculated, or lost in the shuffle, a phenomenon Wanis calls "marrying up but cheating down." And in some cases, he says, a man becomes turned off because his partner has stopped being sexy with him (dressing up) or getting excited around him.

He's Anxious

A man who is afraid of intimacy might have affairs as a way of avoiding true connection, says Wanis. While this aversion seems like an obvious catalyst for an affair, a recent study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found a more unusual fear-based variable for predicting infidelity: performance anxiety. "Sexual anxiety might cause a man to stray as a way to build his sexual confidence," says Wanis, adding that extreme stress often causes the performance anxiety. "One client told me that he thought that if he had sex with more women, he would become less sensitized and could last longer in bed. He overcame his sexual anxiety and his cheating by dealing with the root cause: his belief that he wasn't good enough."

He Wants A Thrill

It's the thrill of the hunt, and also of getting busted. "Some men are sensation seekers, and thus love to take risks, [so they] might also take risks of affairs," says Wanis. "This personality trait drives men and women to risky behaviors, as they seek novelty, change, intense thrills and all other forms of sensory pleasure and excitement," he notes. "Men who are hyperactive, easily bored, lack excitement and challenges in their professional life or who are trying to escape an emotional pain or trauma will seek out intensely sensational activities, which can lead to cheating and reckless sexual escapades." This description sounds a bit like notorious political philanderers Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner.

He's A Narcissist

Some men might simply be narcissists who go from woman to woman because they are unable to form a meaningful, committed relationship with another person. Yet men are not inherently more narcissistic than women, Wanis cautions. While men might appear more self-indulgent and promiscuous, research by renowned psychologist Jean Twenge reveals that both sexes are progressively becoming more narcissistic. Women, however, tend to "focus on attention, competition, materialism, instant gratification, consumerism and individualism," he says, following the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and reality TV stars.

He Has Low Self-Esteem

The lagging economy might take a toll on our relationships, too. "Some men who suffer from low self-esteem—due to job loss or financial hardship—might cheat as a way to feel more powerful and significant, while other men who subconsciously don't feel good enough or feel like a loser might cheat to subconsciously sabotage their relationship, because they don't feel deserving," says Wanis. He calls this the Law of Deservedness: "You only get what you subconsciously believe you deserve; otherwise, you sabotage it, push it away or don't enjoy it."