Do These Traditions Prevent Gender Equality?

In 2010, Time reported that median full-time salaries of young women were 8 percent higher than those of men in their peer group in 147 of 150 of the United States' biggest cities. Yet paying for the first date—as well as others thereafter—is still seen by many women, and men, as not only a man's responsibility but also his obligation.SEARCH: How to promote gender equality in your relationship

I've interviewed hundreds of women, and the majority have admitted that they expect a man to offer to pay on a first date, and actually lose interest if they don't, says Andrea Syrtash, author of the upcoming book Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband). That said, a guy shouldn't feel pressured to wine and dine a woman on a first date or feel like he has to take out a line of credit to treat her.SEARCH: Should the man pay on a first date?

Dating rules divert our attention from the more important issues, such as how we're going to build a caring relationship that meets the needs of both partners says Mari Ruti, Ph.D., author of The Case for Falling in Love. In the larger scheme of things, who pays for the first dinner really doesn't matter. Personally, I don't mind a man paying on a date, as long as I know that I can reciprocate in the future. But it would definitely be a red flag if a guy didn't let me pay the next time around. FIND: Great ideas to make your companion swoon on your first date

I think we're fooling ourselves if we think that money doesn't come with power, Ruti says. A lot of women are taught to think that men are supposed to pay for things to show that they value women. But there're also guys who, consciously or unconsciously, use money as a way to gain the upper hand, so that if they pay for everything, you might find it harder to disagree with them or otherwise hold your own. It can be difficult to avoid the feeling that if you're not contributing financially, somehow you're not quite on equal footing.SEARCH: Top marriage-killing money issues

We expect the social conventions of our grandparents' time, such as opening the door for a lady or standing when she enters a room, to still apply, Farrell says. That's as mistaken as if we still expected people to drive Model T cars. He says we need to rethink the concept for today, and allow men and women to share equal responsibility. The basis of chivalry is respect. It's not bringing flowers and it's not paying for the first date. It's being honest with your partner, being respectful, being supportive.FIND: Is chivalry dead?

We have to give guys a break. They've been told that we want to be treated as equals (we do!) but they're sometimes criticized when they don't open doors, pay for the tab or take initiative and 'be a man,' Syrtash says. There's a fine line, and it's hard for a guy to know which side he'll fall on. For the most part, though, women want to be pursued and courted, even when it's a little old-fashioned. SEARCH: Old-fashioned dating customs we should bring back

If a guy holds the door open for me because he gets to it first, that's nice, Ruti says. But if he makes a big deal out of it, well, then I think it's borderline sexist, as in, 'Look at me, Tarzan, run to the rescue of you, the helpless female.' And it drives me absolutely nuts when a man refuses to go through a door that I'm holding open for him because I got to it first. In those cases, I just want to smack him to the 21st century. SEARCH: Dos and don'ts of dating in the 21st century

While some engagement ring companies have encouraged women who want to pop the question, the practice is still referenced mainly in conjunction with a centuries-old tradition that says women are allowed to propose to men only during a leap year, and on Leap Day specifically. Otherwise, women are usually left to wait expectantly for the guy to make the grand gesture. FIND: Should a woman propose to a man?

According to a 2003 survey performed by Korbel Champagne, 31 percent of Americans know a woman who proposed to a man. However, we were hard-pressed to find a trustworthy statistic on how many engagements, or marriages, began this way. I think it'd be fine—and great—if women proposed to men more often, says Mara Altman, who extensively researched the history of engagement for her acclaimed e-book Sparkle. I hate to say this, because it'd be so lovely if all seemed more equal, but I think there is a reason it has not caught on.SEARCH: Choosing the right time to propose

I know couples in which both people decided, mutually, to tie the knot. Power to them! Syrtash says. But in my research, the majority of women would like to be proposed to, and most men would like to ask for a woman's hand in marriage. In fact, I've heard some men say that it's emasculating to take that role away from them.FIND: Secrets of a happy relationship

In a perfect world, it wouldn't matter if the man asks you to marry him, says Michael Batshaw, LCSW, author of Before Saying I Do: The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage. However, he says, many equate a man not proposing with his having commitment issues, and a woman should address that concern rather than popping the question herself. If a couple is on the same page and he doesn't have an issue, given our cultural norms, he should propose. SEARCH: Signs he's about to propose

According to Altman, this tradition's roots are irrelevant today. When women were expected not to have sex before marriage, the engagement ring sometimes served as a motivation and sense of security for her to feel comfortable losing her virginity, she says. Men did not, in the same sense, need an expensive trinket in order to be motivated to have premarital sex. But given that, even today, only women wear rings in the engagement period, is this tradition outdated?FIND: Shop engagement rings

Some anthropologists posit that because a woman takes care of her offspring for so long, she needs a sign that her mate will be in it for the long haul, Altman says. Coren Apicella, a biological anthropologist at Harvard University, calls this an honest signal: 'Engagement is cheap talk unless you have something to back it up.' This might be why we've adopted the two to three-month salary rule. The ring has to show more than that the man can provide—it has to show that he is planning to stay.FIND: The world's most expensive engagement rings

I've always thought that the ring represented the man marking his territory, kind of like how a dog pisses all over its yard Altman says. Of course, once I was proposed to, I realized that the ring is not just for you and your fiance. It is an object that other people tend to look at as a representation of your couplehood, not to mention your positioning on the social hierarchy. Though I found the practice disagreeable on many levels, one being the inequality it seems to represent, I still found myself happily gazing at my ring.FIND: Design your own engagement ring

Although there are various ideas around the origin of the engagement ring, it is my sense that the reason the woman wears the ring comes from chauvinistic practices of ownership of women: If a woman is wearing an engagement ring, it is a sign that she is taken and the property of another man, Batshaw says. It would be nice if we could move past chauvinistic cultural norms so that both sexes could wear engagement rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other.FIND: Origin of the engagement ring

In July, morning show host Kelly Ripa declared, We give birth. You pick up the check. Her statement sparked debate on both family and feminist-minded websites, yet the idea of monetarily rewarding women for giving birth is indeed a growing trend. According to a survey by BabyCenter.com, 38 percent of new mothers received a gift from their partner after birthing their child and 55 percent of pregnant women thought they deserved one, The New York Times reported.FIND: More about Kelly Ripa

BabyCenter's executive editor, Linda Murray, told the Times that push presents are more and more of an expectation of moms these days, that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body. The guilt really gets piled on.SEARCH: Top push presents

Any excuse for a couple to do a nice gesture for each other is great in my book, Syrtash says. Couples who take opportunities to honor each other and acknowledge their love and appreciation on a consistent basis are able to weather conflicts in their relationship a little better. Giving birth is a milestone, and couples should celebrate each other's milestones thoughtfully.SEARCH: Get amazing surprise gift ideas for your partner