How I Fought for My Marriage...and Won
One woman shares how she put the pieces back together
2. We shared everything we hated. No matter how helpful the Love Lists were, they didn't change the things that made us unhappy. So I told Michael I hated feeling like his lowest priority. He told me he hated my lack of participation. We both hated feeling unappreciated. The hate flew around, fast and furious. It was great. Because, after that? We had something to work with.
3. We went to therapy. I believe that most people can benefit from some QT with a mental-health professional. I'd been benefiting from talk therapy for years. Finally, Michael went too. We went alone and together. Having an objective listener really helped Michael. He'd been walking around with a huge weight on his shoulders, and confiding in someone other than me was a huge relief. Once that was out of the way, he felt ready to move forward.
4. We eased up on each other. Once Michael and I reopened the lines of communication, we gained a better understanding of what the other had been feeling… about our marriage and about life in general. Knowing these things made us infinitely more forgiving.
5. We got harder on ourselves. Sure, we still lost our tempers sometimes and felt low-level bits of irritation with each other, but mostly we concentrated on improving ourselves. It's reassuring to see the effort your spouse is making on your behalf. It lets you know that he's in it to win it. (Whatever. It sounds corny. Shut up.)