How I Make My Marriage Work

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If you believe everything you read, then you'd probably think the current state of marriage in America is pretty grim. High-powered athletes and politicos have affairs left and right, divorce is rampant, and young people are delaying marriage to put their careers first. And then there are the numbers: According to a 2010 survey by Pew Research Center, nearly 40 percent of Americans believe marriage is obsolete, and only 54 percent of American adults are married, down from 72 percent in 1960. However, some experts argue it's not marriage itself that's obsolete; it's the stereotype of what a "perfect" marriage is that's antiquated.

"We've been taught to believe in this gold standard of relationships, this fairy tale that doesn't actually exist," says Iris Krasnow, author of the upcoming book The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married. "But women are realizing that to be happy, they need the freedom to write their own rules and venture into unchartered territory." And because women are doing just that, the divorce rate is actually down to just 43 percent (from 50 percent in the '90s), she says. "They're creating their own marriages and realizing there are many different ways to have a long married life." Just ask these six women, who say that their unorthodox approaches to marriage are the glue that's keeping them together.

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