Man Speak vs. Woman Speak

Men are socialized to make direct requests, while women are socialized to put others’ needs above their own. How does this play out in relationships? Women often expect men to read their minds and know what they want without actually telling them. If women can ease into asking for what they want instead of leaving their guy to guess, they’ll get much more of it with no mind-reading necessary.

When she says, “Do you remember that sweater I wore on our second date?” he hears her say, “If you cared, you’d remember!” Women have an amazing memory for details, and they’re more sentimental than men. However, men don’t remember details as well because of differences in how they process information, not because they don’t care. ON YOURTANGO: Which Love Language Do You Speak?

When a woman has a problem, a man offers solutions, but she’s looking for understanding and validation. And a woman tends to give a man what she’d want: a shoulder to cry on, which is often the last thing he wants. As a rule of thumb, men should offer women compassion first and then help, and women should offer men help first and then compassion.

Men compartmentalize, mentally and emotionally separating work, relationships, etc. Women think “big picture,” connecting all aspects of their lives. For women, when he seamlessly switches gears from your serious conversation to the game, it’s not that he doesn’t care about the conversation. For men, remember that her brooding over things doesn’t mean she’s trying to nag. It’s just how her mind works.

When a woman feels stressed, she often will verbally recall every single horrific detail about her overwhelming schedule, her family, etc. Once she feels her emotions have been heard and understood, then she immediately starts to feel better. However, when a man is feeling stressed, he often stops talking altogether for a period of time. Give him space to relax on his own. ON YOURTANGO: How to Understand Men

Most men are very sensitive and have deep emotions; they are just not always comfortable showing them. A woman should never assume that her man doesn’t feel things like hurt or rejection. But she shouldn’t assume she knows how he feels. The best practice is to ask. However, avoid phrases like, “Did that hurt your feelings?” Instead try, “Did it bother you when that happened?”

He says, “I’m wiped out; let’s just stay in and relax.” She thinks, “He’d rather stare at the TV than be with me.” Women should remember that sometimes a man just wants to be with them and relax — they don’t have to do anything or even interact a lot. A woman who is comfortable just being (and not always doing) is very attractive to her man.

She says, “I’m capable of doing that myself.” He hears, “She doesn’t want my help.” This can be confusing, but most women, no matter how strong and capable, still love to be “taken care of” by their men in one way or another. Guys, tell your partner that you know she can do it herself but that you love to do things for her so she can take it easy.

She says, “You never listen to me.” He thinks, “She talks all the time, and all I do is listen.” All he really has to do is give some verbal cues to indicate he is paying attention or ask questions about the content of what she is saying to let her know he is listening. When he’s focused on something else, he can say something like, “Honey, I really want to hear what you are saying, so can this wait until I finish this?”