Must Be Nice…

"Your husband must do really well. I couldn't afford to stay home!"

However hefty a couple's savings account balance is, a comment about the family's cash flow can rub someone the wrong way. Besides, that assumption might not even be true. "People now make calculated and tough choices," says Usdansky. While many of the highest-earning men have wives who stay home, so do just as many of the lowest-earning ones. And in a lot of cases, not only does the man earn a small paycheck, but also, the woman's own earning power is low compared to the cost of childcare—which means that working hardly pays off, especially with the time and stress involved.

On the other side of the coin, many women earn as much as (or more than) their husbands, so choosing to stay home means sacrificing major bucks—and living a more frugal lifestyle. "They say to themselves, 'My house might not be as big and my car not as fancy, but staying home with my kids is more important than those things,'" says Steiner.