Second Time Around

Rebecca and Greg Ford, Honolulu, Hawaii

On Valentine's Day in 1998, Rebecca and Greg Ford married — after knowing each other only about a year. “We met online, and lived in different parts of the country, but we wanted to be together.” Their issues turned out not to be about love, but communication and unrealistic expectations. Their 2000 divorce wasn't acrimonious, but it was painful enough that Rebecca felt she couldn't remain friends. “I still loved him.” So when, a year or so later, Greg knocked on her door out of the blue (she had moved to Washington state and he, a military man, was stationed in Tennessee) to say that they'd made a big mistake and he wanted to try again, she went for it. “We both knew, deep down, that it was right.” They remarried in 2002.

Why it worked the second time around: “We got counseling and learned how to communicate before problems get too bad,” says Rebecca. “Now, we realize that we could have done all this work on our relationship without going through the divorce process.” When you remarry someone, you know their ins and outs as well as your relationship patterns. “You know why you left — but you also know why you loved that person to begin with,” says Thornton. So when you get back together, you can work together to emphasize the good parts and avoid the bad habits.