Shed the

Blasius Erlinger/Getty Images

March 6, 2012 By WomansDay.com
There's no denying that we live in a world of preconceived ideals. We judge ourselves and others based on who we are and how we think people should live on a daily basis. But when we challenge those deep-seated assumptions—or are forced to face them—it's often surprising the amount of happiness and purpose we can find. Read on to learn how Eleanore Wells of TheSpinsterliciousLife.com, one of four women we're highlighting for challenging norms, decided to "say yes to staying single."
Wells' story: A few years ago, when I was in my late 40s, a good friend playfully called me an Old Maid. She and I both speak a little Spanish, and we occasionally leave phone messages for each other using what we hope will someday be our second language. So I identified myself as Señorita Wells, and she pointed out that I was too old to be a señorita. She explained that señorita, like mademoiselle and miss, is used to refer to a young unmarried woman. That really made me think. What do you call a fascinating, charming middle-aged woman who has never had a husband or children? There isn't a word to describe us.
Related on Bing: letting go
I've known all my life that marriage was not for me. I was never that girl who dreamed about her wedding long before she knew who the groom would be. I'm not anti-marriage but, to me, being married is not a better life—it's just a different one.
ON WOMAN'S DAY: How To Let Go Of A Marriage
When I was younger, I was proud of being single. The fact that I'd chosen not to follow the path that's expected of every woman made me brave, out of the ordinary. I dated fantastic men, and even got proposed to. I just didn't choose to take that path. Friends and acquaintances admired my choice and with me celebrated my quirky difference.
But now that I'm in my mid-50s, things have changed. I'm tiring of the frequent questions and pitying tone about my "plight." At a party recently, I ran into a former colleague, and before I could answer her "How are you?" she asked, "Are you married yet?" I always feel like I have to have a quip ready for this question. A quip that's lighthearted but also makes it clear that I think the question is ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with asking if I'm married, but the "yet" implies that this is something I must do.
What was more astounding than being asked the question was the fact that this woman, who was clearly judging my marital choice, was going through her third divorce. It seems that having multiple marriages is more acceptable to people than having never been married at all. How do we single women change people's perceptions that being unmarried is a valid choice, not a plight? Obviously, I am not the only happily unmarried woman-of-a-certain-age out there. There are lots of fabulous women who are neither wives nor mothers—and all they want is to be acknowledged as the dynamic, fulfilled people they are.
ON WOMAN'S DAY: Why I Cheated On My Husband
I have my own consulting business, an active social life, and great relationships with my family. I have a fabulous circle of friends, many of whom have children who adore their Auntie Eleanore. I often have a boyfriend. I support charitable organizations with my money and time, and adore my 11-year-old Yorkie, Danny, who is—contrary to popular myth—a dog and not a substitute child. With all this goodness, how could my being single possibly be a bad thing?
But still there is the question of what to call us. Old Maid clearly doesn't work because, as the card game of the same name suggests, an Old Maid is a withered old crone with scraggly hair and warts. Then there's bachelorette, which makes me think of cocktails, high heels and unencumbered weekend mornings. Though I lost the status a decade or two ago because of the "youthful" requirement, the attitude is still very much a part of me. How about spinster? It's archaic and charming, and I like it. But it may be a little staid, so I think I'll "plus it up." The moniker for us? Spinsterlicious.
Read other women's stories about letting go of "the shoulds."
ON WOMAN'S DAY: 9 Marriage Myths – Debunked
Up Next: ELLE's annual head-to-toe anti-aging manual
Related in RelationshipsGemini: Live by the stars 10 things never to say to a single mom Gotta have it: Glo's latest obsession