Watch Your Mouth
Things You Should Never Say to a Divorcing Friend
"I don't believe in divorce" or "Did you try hard enough?"
Christine* got this gut punch from a friend when she and her husband split. "It made me feel as though I hadn't been devoted to my marriage or hadn't made a big enough effort, which wasn't true," she says. And though you may think you're helping your friend weigh all her options, there's almost no way to read this type of comment as anything other than judgmental, says Honaman. "You're foisting your own value system on your friend, which is insulting." What if the divorce wasn't her idea, it was an abusive relationship, or she tried—but failed—to get her husband into couples therapy? Often, your own fear of divorce is behind comments like these, says Honaman. "It might be your way of saying, It won't happen to us because we don't believe in it! or We'll keep trying." The only thing you can say instead is… nothing. Seriously, keep it to yourself.
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