What Your Marriage Counselor Won't Tell You
- Next1 of 8Chris Clinton/Getty Images
- Previous Next2 of 8Photo and Co/Getty Images
- Previous Next3 of 8Jupiterimages/Thinkstock
- Previous Next4 of 8Thomas Barwick/Getty Images
- Previous Next5 of 8Anna Wolf/Getty Images
- Previous Next6 of 8Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images
- Previous Next7 of 8Tony Anderson/Getty Images
- Previous Next8 of 8Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images
- What Your Marriage Counselor Won't Tell YouFrom Woman's Day: 10 Marriage Rules You Should Break
- What your room's cleaning staff wishes you knew
- 10 Things Your Babysitter Won't Tell You
- 10 Things Customer Service Reps Want to Tell You
- 7 tips to help you master the art of small talk
- How to Raise a Confident Daughter
- 11 things men wish you knew about them
- Save the Date: 13 things to do this month
- The best parenting tweets of the month
- 8 secrets of happy moms
- What Your Teenager Won't Tell You
- 10 Things Your Boss Won't Tell You
- 10 Things Your Waiter Will Never Tell You
- 10 compliments men hate getting
- Mother's Day Fun Facts
- How to become a grownup in 10 steps
- Should you pull a Mila-and-Ashton?
- What women really want in a man
- What men really want in a woman
Free Therapy1 of 8
By Woman's Day
If you've ever been in marriage counseling, then chances are you and your husband did most of the talking. But thanks to years of experience, your therapist has plenty of advice that she'd like to share with you too. Here's what some marriage counselors would like to say, but often won't.
I Know If It Will Work Out2 of 8
"Within a few sessions, I can generally make an educated guess about the future of your relationship," says Bree Maresca-Kramer, relationship counselor and author of It's That Simple! "A clear sign that it won't: One or both of you has emotionally checked out and is unwilling to take any responsibility for your problems."
ON WOMAN'S DAY: Signs He's Having an Affair
Don't Throw a Pity Party3 of 8
"Women are always surprised that I don't seem outraged or upset by what they're telling me," says Joyce Morley, Ed.D., a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Ga. "While I understand your feelings, I'm not going to sit here and cry with you. It's not my job to be emotional. It's my job to help make your marriage better."
ON WOMAN'S DAY: Secrets of Satisfied Couples
Learn to Listen4 of 8
"Women can be so focused on trying to win that they forget to listen—that's one of the biggest problems couples bring to therapy," says Morley. "Women typically can't stop talking until they feel they've proved their point. But men see counseling as an opportunity to finally speak. And when they do, wives are often shocked to hear what they have to say."
Give Yourself a Break5 of 8
"Men don't beat themselves up nearly as much as women do when they've done something wrong in a relationship," says Morley. "So if you've messed up, accept responsibility and then quit kicking yourself over it."
ON WOMAN'S DAY: Marriage Rules You Should Break
Go Ahead, Argue6 of 8
"It allows me to see the real dynamic between the two of you," says Maresca-Kramer. "I can then use that fight to help you gain a better understanding of each other's feelings."
Let It Go7 of 8
"In an argument, stick to the topic at hand," says Michelle, a relationship counselor in St. Louis. "When you bring up stuff your husband did months, even years ago, I just want to say, 'Let it go already!' You have to get over your past anger, because forgiveness means moving on."
I Can't Give You Answers8 of 8
"A therapist will never tell you what to do," says Maresca-Kramer. "It's counterproductive. You'll just become dependent on us instead of learning to make decisions for yourself."