Why I Hate Halloween

4. The Princess Affliction

I have nothing against Sleeping Beauty, Belle or Tiana. But with so many pint-size princesses stumbling up to doors in plastic heels and satiny dresses, it's impossible not to see how Halloween costumes reinforce narrow and oppressive gender stereotypes in little girls.

5. Enough With the Sexy Costumes

Is it any wonder that little girls who dress up as princesses grow up to wear the Sexy Marine Corset Costume? Of course, it's not just Marines that are sexy: There are sexy ghosts, pirates, convicts and devils. The latest victim of the Halloween costume sexification complex? Big Bird, one of this season's top sellers.

6. Why Didn't I Think of That? (Oh, Wait. I Did.)

Clever costumes are a close second to sexy ones in terms of how off-putting they are. They are an indication that you are either unemployed or you hate your job. (How else would you have time to put together your elaborate, pop-culture-inspired ensemble?) And you probably thought no one else would have an oh-so-witty and original "Binders Full of Women" or McKayla Maroney costume. But they do. And how.