A Modest Proposal

"It's all about the waist," she emphasizes. "If you're going to wear anything with volume on top or extra length below, you have to create a silhouette with the right bust to waist to hip ratio." A cinched belt and high heels, says Bryant, will define that coveted hourglass outline. She sums up her tutelage with two words I dread: "No flats."

I dash to my closet and assess my inventory. If Bryant were to see my vast array of non-heels and the many shapeless shifts I have accumulated since having a baby, she would ask for a blowtorch. My eyes alight on a voluminous mossy green caftan dress that swallows me whole like a paint tarp. My husband unlovingly calls it "Big Greenie."

"BG" came from a pricey L.A. boutique a few years ago. I slipped on this bohemian dress that billows at the slightest breeze and felt covered, comfortable and thin. In truth, I look as huge as an igloo in it. I know, because I've seen photographs. It's the type of garment that only flatters girls with pronounced clavicles, swan necks and ultra-slender ankles. I possess none of the above.